Earth to Wendy?

Donde esta chica bonita???????
(Wendy, since you don't speak Spanish that means "Where are you pretty girl?").

Well it seems like I have been carrying this blog for a couple of weeks now, and while my life has been very interesting and adventurous and cool I would like to know what is going on back on the Texas Coast. Wendy???? HELLO!?!

As for Labor day in LA, I must say it was a blast. So far this has been my favorite weekend. I'll give you a couple of the highlights and try and connect with the randomness of it all, as that is my life to date. (This is a bit long but deal with it).

Friday: Roxie's Birthday

8:00 PM - 1:30 AM Birthday Night Out: My office closed at 2 PM which allowed time for me to drive around LA and pick up cupcakes and flowers for Roxie's bday for the cute pizza place we were going to called Jones. We were then planning to go to this infamous bar called Happy Endings that has been described as a pretty "fratty" bar but it is one of a kind and really fun. In my head I am imaging a more upbeat Lizards mixed with The GK and a bunch of popped collars? We'll see. We ended up hitting up a swankier place called Winston's. This place was GREAT! Wonderful people watching and lots of stuff going on. Six girls occupying a table at this place apparently is a great way to meet people. However, most of them you don't want to meet. Like the Babbling British Bloke who picked Roxie up at the bar with a pick up line of:

"Well wait a second, move into the light I can't tell if you are hot or not."

UMM OK. No. Then he proceeds to follow her back to our table. Well this idiot sat next to me and I don't put up with that type of guy. So what do I do? After 5 mins of him trying to get me to forgive him (yea right buddy, you're lame) I politely pointed to a chair at the adjacent table and told him he needed to remove himself from ours and that the chair across the way looked available. He didn't like this so much. So I said fine go buy the birthday girl a shot bc you were so rude. He refused and said that was not necessary for us to forgive him. Ok buddy well get a freaking clue. We don't like you.

1:30 AM to 2:00 AM Meet Warren: Aka Roxie's new best friend. Well I actually didn't meet him at this time, only Mel did, but he is a transplant of eight days (definition: one who relocates to LA). He and Roxie exchanged numbers at the end of the night. That is all.

Saturday: Recovery

Early PM: Roxie had to work while I ran around looking at apartments with Amy and Cameron. Ok, so not a big highlight. Apt. hunting sucks.

4:00 PM Game Time: Head to a bar in Hollywood to watch the Texas Game with all the Texas Exes out here. Super fun! Had a blast. Best part, OU SUCKS and lost to the Mormons!! Awesome, must celebrate!

8:00 PM Santa Monica Bar Hopping: Roxie gets a call from Warren to come meet up. He has been at South for God knows how long. We show up and he is wasted. This gets hysterical because Roxie and him just met last night for 10 mins and he is drunk with non-stop verbal diarrhea. Something like this:

"OMG Roxie we are going to be best friends. I can't wait. I mean really, BEST friends. I am embarrassed to tell you this but am so drunk so I don't care but all day I have just been thinking about the fun things we are going to do. Like Roxie goes to the beach with me, Roxie drives in the car with me, Roxie plays kickball with me..."

Clearly Roxie left some sort of amazing impression on him if he was thinking about her all day after having only met her after way too many cocktails at 1:30 AM. But yea, he has turned Roxie into a Barbie Doll. I mean I know she is blonde and lives in Cali, but she does not drive a pink corvette nor has she ever dated anyone named Ken, and I would argue I am more like a Barbie Doll because I would be the first one to get a pink car, and possibly date a Ken but I'll leave that up do discussion. But this was freaking hysterical and I can't wait to hang out with him again. (Side note: he moved out here with his best friend so that makes this all so funny on even another level. It's not like he is all on his lonesome out here).

Warren departed around midnight (I guess). We decided to go to another bar and low and behold it is a Karaoke Dive Bar! We walk in and to our sprise there is none other than Travis Brewer is up on the stage OWNING it. I was shocked. What small world. Later in the night we bumped (our iPhones people...new app get it ASAP) and hopefully will hang out soon. He seems like quite the charecter.

Sunday AM: Felt like SHITE. Hit up Malibu, got a shake on the Malibu pier and went apartment hunting again. AND guess what I think we found one! We are turning the application in tomorrow and I am super excited about it! I'll keep you all updated and post pics if we get it. Note: I wore my sunglasses all day in and outside these places because I was in no shape to be meeting potential landlords! Lords of all the land!

Sunday PM: We decide to chill and wake up at 4:00 AM to go to The Price is Right. Now you all probably know that I have been on once before and I am obsessed. So needless to say I was very excited! We got there at 4:30 AM. We were in line behind two sisters, Tina and Toni, (approx ages 55 and 51) who had been 15 times in the past year. THAT IS NUTS AND SO WERE THEY! They knew the man who interviews you, Stan, where the cheap parking was, what TPIR was looking for, all the rules and regulations, I mean you name it, they knew it.

When the gas station opened up she went and bought some powdered donuts, 10 mins later she went back and bought some Crumb donuts. Approx weight, 250 LBS and a cat lover, no doubt. For the remainder of the day we were going to be next to these ladies except for the 2 hour break you get before you have to be back for the taping. So after our 4:00 AM alarm and listening to these women we made an executive decision to stop by CVS on the walk home and get some mimosa ingredients. Def. the best idea of the day. Yum! We mixed and mingled with ourselves at Stef's before heading back up to CBS at 8:30 AM.

The rest of the day was pretty much us waiting around in the lot with 300 of what perfectly describes middle America. I am talking these people go to the beach and swim in their clothes, they wear American flag shirts (no offense Courtney), they drive miles and miles to make it here and they are pure entertainment.

Here is what I learned about Toni and Tina (the 2 sisters) throughout the day.

• They have been on the show 15 times
• Toni weighed 250 lbs
• Toni has been unemployed for the past year now, collecting unemployment while doing side cash jobs as a seat filler for other game shows at the rate of $8/hr
• Toni lives in a trailer home (therefore would have no room for a dining room set unless she put it outside)
• Toni has a personalized license plate:
• Toni has previously been in the dental industry
• Toni woke up at 2:30 AM to get in line
• Toni's next paycheck will come from finding 40 people to attend a "Doctors" taping and will be $500
  
• Toni loves cats and blue eyeshadow

I am sorry to be harsh but this literally was what kept coming out of her mouth. It just kept getting better and better! Funny though, Tina was actually called up today! Crazy, I know. Stan must have just been feeling the vibe she was giving. She didn't win anything but I guess her dreams have come true now. Sadly, Roxie, Stef and I didn't get picked but hey there is always next time right!

8:00 PM Monday Night: I just ate a pizza. A whole one. SICK!

Happy short week to all and to all a good night!

xoxo
Babs

No Icy Mits Here!

So I went to a pub crawl last weekend and what a time it was. Was I expecting Cancun Spring Break 1991? No, but I wasn’t expecting the geriatric pub crawl either. We started slow at Kenneally’s. We picked it up a notch at Mugsy’s, where we found a lovely picture of a 1920’s party scene. There were a lot of women and only a few men, but take it for what it is. Influenced by the photo Boozie started speaking 1920’s lingo. After this the whole feeling of the pub crawl changed. While he was speaking English you wouldn’t know it. We couldn’t understand anything he was saying and it was hysterical.

“Mugsy's got a special for slow hot gin fizzes under an Abe Cabe I tell ya....The bearcats should be out lookin to cash a check cuz the bank ain’t closin tonite...I gotta couple cuddlers on the line so you better be hittin on sixes I tell ya”

While I don’t hold a cake to Boozie, who can speak this off the top of his head, I’ll attempt to tell our 1920’s Geriatric Pub Crawl tale in 1920’s jargon to the best of my ability! Here goes it:

Five of us baby vamps got all dolled up and headed to Kennelly’s. We had Welsh, the bearcat speaking baloney from the night before. Frenchy and Kathleen were entertaining all the fellas at the table, Boozie, Wes, and Tony. We were making Shandy’s (miller lite, sprite, ice and a lime) and Welsh was drinking and spilling belts all over the place. After a few rounds of Uno we left for our second stop, Mugsy’s, where Catherine joined us and we all continued drinking the giggle water. Welsh was pretty bent when we got to Mugsy’s and was still spilling all over the place. That funny old bird Matt walked in like he was the big cheese but he didn’t even end up taking a belt all night. The bar tender wanted to tell us pipe down, we were being so loud, but since we were the only people there at 4:00 in the afternoon he couldn't really say anything.

After Mugsy’s we went to the Velvet Melvin, a nice little juice joint across from the old PPC. (I bet there are a lot of old quiffs in there). We were all zozzled so we ordered a pizza tray full of nachos and some queso surved in a styrofoam bowl. This is where sober LeBlanc managed to get us in the most trouble though! He was starting fires (literally), defaming signs, and running a muck all over the place!

After the bum’s rush at the Velvet Melvin we headed to Kay’s. By this time we were all fried. LaFollette, Joey and Woods all met up with us after the baseball game. Good thing this was the geriatric pub crawl and they weren' t driving around the city tripping for biscuits. We tried to tell them that this had been an all out, balls to the wall pub crawl but by the looks of us they could tell we were making it up. "Tell it to Sweeney" Woods said! Boozie was sitting pretty at the Texas Table just waiting for the flappers to approach him and we were all razzing each other! It was a nasty mess and in the end I bolted out early while the rummies headed to The Big Easy. I'll tell you what just because we weren't as rowdy as pub crawl 1991, we sure had a grand old time, got drunk, and it was the Real McCoy!

To translate using the 1920's dictionary click here

-Babs