Thursday, July 16, 2009

No Icy Mits Here!

So I went to a pub crawl last weekend and what a time it was. Was I expecting Cancun Spring Break 1991? No, but I wasn’t expecting the geriatric pub crawl either. We started slow at Kenneally’s. We picked it up a notch at Mugsy’s, where we found a lovely picture of a 1920’s party scene. There were a lot of women and only a few men, but take it for what it is. Influenced by the photo Boozie started speaking 1920’s lingo. After this the whole feeling of the pub crawl changed. While he was speaking English you wouldn’t know it. We couldn’t understand anything he was saying and it was hysterical.

“Mugsy's got a special for slow hot gin fizzes under an Abe Cabe I tell ya....The bearcats should be out lookin to cash a check cuz the bank ain’t closin tonite...I gotta couple cuddlers on the line so you better be hittin on sixes I tell ya”

While I don’t hold a cake to Boozie, who can speak this off the top of his head, I’ll attempt to tell our 1920’s Geriatric Pub Crawl tale in 1920’s jargon to the best of my ability! Here goes it:

Five of us baby vamps got all dolled up and headed to Kennelly’s. We had Welsh, the bearcat speaking baloney from the night before. Frenchy and Kathleen were entertaining all the fellas at the table, Boozie, Wes, and Tony. We were making Shandy’s (miller lite, sprite, ice and a lime) and Welsh was drinking and spilling belts all over the place. After a few rounds of Uno we left for our second stop, Mugsy’s, where Catherine joined us and we all continued drinking the giggle water. Welsh was pretty bent when we got to Mugsy’s and was still spilling all over the place. That funny old bird Matt walked in like he was the big cheese but he didn’t even end up taking a belt all night. The bar tender wanted to tell us pipe down, we were being so loud, but since we were the only people there at 4:00 in the afternoon he couldn't really say anything.

After Mugsy’s we went to the Velvet Melvin, a nice little juice joint across from the old PPC. (I bet there are a lot of old quiffs in there). We were all zozzled so we ordered a pizza tray full of nachos and some queso surved in a styrofoam bowl. This is where sober LeBlanc managed to get us in the most trouble though! He was starting fires (literally), defaming signs, and running a muck all over the place!

After the bum’s rush at the Velvet Melvin we headed to Kay’s. By this time we were all fried. LaFollette, Joey and Woods all met up with us after the baseball game. Good thing this was the geriatric pub crawl and they weren' t driving around the city tripping for biscuits. We tried to tell them that this had been an all out, balls to the wall pub crawl but by the looks of us they could tell we were making it up. "Tell it to Sweeney" Woods said! Boozie was sitting pretty at the Texas Table just waiting for the flappers to approach him and we were all razzing each other! It was a nasty mess and in the end I bolted out early while the rummies headed to The Big Easy. I'll tell you what just because we weren't as rowdy as pub crawl 1991, we sure had a grand old time, got drunk, and it was the Real McCoy!

To translate using the 1920's dictionary click here



  1. Babs, if you had went with these cats to the big easy, you would have seen my slow dance with a real life midget. true story. and it was an awkwardly long song too.

  2. Babby, I think the painting in Mugsy's is actually of an 1800's brothel. Do they have an online dictionary for that? Because I'm sure it involves the words "gold rush" and "vittles."