Talents and Finding Mine

Monday was my first day at work at my new job in LA. I had been warned that new people in my group have to get up and sing their school’s fight song on their first day, first thing, Monday morning. I debated long and hard last weekend about whether this was a joke or not and finally concluded that it was not. So I practiced some but I knew it wouldn't help. I was doomed.

When I got to work I confirmed that this was not a joke. And to make things worse, the new girl from last week not only sang her school’s fight song, but also tap danced to it. Yea, so how the HELL was I supposed to follow that up? So surly enough at the commencement of the Monday morning 8 AM meeting I was introduced and asked to stand up and sing. After the 30 seconds of the Texas Fight Song, which I so proudly sang in front of 40 strangers, I was told to find my talent and come back. Encouraging right? They were lucky I came back on Tuesday (talent or not). I mean shit, do they have an oven because I can make one hell of a cookie but other than that talents aren't really my strong suit.

So tonight, after day three of my new job, I came home and turned on the tv and America’s Got Talent was on NBC. I have never seen this show but the first act was a dance group from Berkley. I balked at this at first. Berkley kids are known for their smarts not their dance moves. But this might be the smartest group of Berkley kids yet. They formed a Bollywood Dance Group. Clearly capitalizing on Slumdog Millionaire, AND it was good. I was really impressed and what a freaking smart group of people. Street dancing is so MTV circa 2005. What is that show...America's Best Dance Crew? Well that is last week's news. This was brilliant! Way to take the hype of Slumdog and make money off of it Berkley kids. Bravo.

So after my excitement from their brilliant idea subsided, I started to notice the Bollywood moves. Have you ever seen Bollywood dance before? There is nothing to it. Seriously, it is a mix of cheerleading moves and some of my famous feet movements (check it out below). It really looks easy. I think it is more about the costume and the music. So after I get some weeks of practice and some hours of crunches under my belt, I have decided that I am going to bust back into that meeting room and show them my real talent: Bollywood Dancing. Who's your mama?

Done and Done.
Babs

THIS IS MY YEAR! (But don’t quote me on that)

Well I am sitting here at the airport listening to my chill random mix looking (and feeling) good. And by good I mean crap. My stomach is in knots (don’t worry Winnie it had nothing to do with the amazing food last night…more like the pieces of cake and the chocolate pretzels I was downing like crack), my eyes are telling a story I probably didn’t want to share with the thousand strangers passing by me at IAH, and my hair is a mess. Wendy counted something like 58 bobby pins that she pulled out of her hair. I lost count at 30 and am sure there are still some tangled in my mess of a doo right now.

But the reason I feel and look the way I do right this minute is because last night was a successful wedding celebration for Winnie and Ben. Seriously, what a night! Who wouldn’t want to begin a life of love with a full Mexican buffet, 412 of your closest friends and relatives, seven of the best bridesmaids EVER, a photo booth of silliness, a band, and of course a full open bar. You couldn’t ask for more. Unless you’re Patty Woods in which case you would request a tambourine, or just bring your own. The party was amazing. We laughed, we drank, we ate, and most importantly we danced. Even Wendy was pulling out some special moves I hadn’t seen before. The Party Moms on Parade were in FULL effect and the love train just kept on going.

Sure, weddings are about having fun with your friends and celebrating the gracious union of love and commitment but to be honest to me they are really about the cake and the bouquet. Really, I judge a wedding by the taste of the cake (mostly the grooms cake because I love chocolate) and catching the bouquet. I don’t always catch the bouquet though. Sometimes really lame people decide they can put fate in their own hands and hand it to the “lucky” recipient(s) and that is just crap. But to me the tossing of the bouquet is a tradition of passing the love along from one bride to the next?!? I have caught two bouquets; the first was a year ago and then again last night. So THIS IS MY YEAR. But if things don’t work out we always have next year. And shout out to Ms. Palmer who is actually next.

So all in all I rate the wedding a 110!

The other epic part of last night was that I snuck out from my parents’ house for the first time, ever. Yep at the age of 25 I attempted to sneak out of my parents’ house. I wish I had tried this back in high school. At least I would have known what I was doing because it was apparent that I had no idea what I was doing at 3 am last night as I got busted. That is just sad. I was outside waiting to close the garage when I hear this voice from above “Babs, what are you doing?”. Low and behold my mom is hanging outside my sister’s window and has caught me red handed. Classic right? Pitiful is more like it.

Winnie and Ben – 1; Mom – 1; Barbara - -1

XOXO Babs

How to survive a coyote attack: by someone that knows!

What to do when encountered by a coyote:
1. Be alert
2. Arm yourself (See pic A)
3. Call Dad
4. Disregard Dad
5. Cautiously proceed forward with as little fear as possible (they sense fear).
6. Run, if necessary

(Pic A) The Attacker

So yesterday my sister and I decided to hike up to the famous Hollywood sign via Griffith Park. We parked halfway up the hill and started our uphill trek to the sign. There were people on the trail, but not many. We made it to the sign (or as close as you can get) and turned around knowing the way back would be all down hill! YES!

Well while briskly walking down hill I spotted what looked like a dog about 20 yards ahead of us. However there were no people which means it was no dog. The scene went something like this:

"Mel, that's a coyote"
"No it's not Jennifer, it's a dog"
"NO...IT'S A COYOTE...there are no people"

This was no friendly Wile E. Coyote either, he was proceeding slowly but would stop every yard or so and glare back at us, no joke! So luckily I knew what to do. We simply followed steps 1 - 6 above and made it out alive. I did not plan on following step 4 but when Dad instructed us to get in the car and drive...back to Texas, we had no choice but to disregard him. A. the car was still half a mile away or so and B. there are coyotes in Texas as well.

So needles to say we survived and will most likely go on this hike again but probably just not at 5:00 which I suspect is dinner time for Mr. Wile E. Coyote and friends. They are ugly little things, and I don't plan on seeing one again anytime soon.

XOXO - BABS

And in the words of Beyonce herself - To the Left, Left, Left

So I've made it to the left coast, the west coast, the big city and bright lights of LA, the land of fruits and nuts whatever you like to call it! Now let me just tell you what is in between Houston and Los Angeles....a whole lotta nothin!
Texas was ok. We made it to Fort Stockton on Friday night around midnight. We stayed for $100 in a Comfort Suites hotel. Now while this was a "nice" motel no way was it worth 100 bones. You can stay in the Alden Hotel (Mel's former employer) in the downtown of the fourth largest city in the US for that much and I am not sure what more FT. Stockton has to offer at the Comfort Suites? An indoor pool filled with germs and yellow stuff you say? Not worth close to 100 bones in my book.

After the night's cat nap we woke up at 5 AM and got back on the road by 5:30 AM. We were determined to make it all the way to LA. The drive was long and boring so I'll just sum it up here as to not bore you. Here is what we passed along the way:

Texas:
Bakersfield - Where all the bakers live? This is where I might go if LA doesn't work out
Reeves County - Shout out to Mrs. Schilling!
Deer - 5 alive, 1 dead

New Mexico:
Border Patrol - Seriously they checked your cars as you drove by
Safety Corridors - an area on the high way where the speed limit drops rapidly from 80 to 65. Winnie warned me about these. She says they are to prevent drunk Inidian Driving...IDK how that helps but it sure did put a halt in our speeding.

Arizona:
Dirt devils & Roadrunners - apparently these are dangerous however see below for what I thought was WAY more dangerous
Speed CAMERAS - WTF? Literally there were parked Explorer looking cars on the side of the freeway with a 10 ft. pool on the hood sticking straight up with a camera on the top. So every 3 miles feet there would be a speed camera and you would have to slow down to 60. These were FAR more dangerous than the damn dirt devils and roadrunners. Arizona - 1, Pritchett family - 0

California:
Heads Carolina, Tails California!
Beaumont: Still one hour outside of LA
Natur-Day - The best day of the week in LA. Natty Lite still exists in La LA Land!

So that about sums up the drive. I have to give props to MickEDoo who drove probably 20 of the 25 hours it took us! Without her it would have taken us weeks to get here. On Saturday we went on a 2 hour walk from my Aunt's house in Pasadena to the Rose Bowl. This brought back some WONDERFUL memories! I can't wait to see what happens with the horns this year! Yesterday we went down to Santa Monica and had lunch by the beach. Today I woke at 5:30 AM to head down to the CBS Studios to be on the Price is Right, but low and behold they were already sold out. So till next week TPRIR! $1 Now I am sitting at a coffee shop on Sunset Blvd. blogging, looking for jobs, and secretly scoping out celebs. So far none, but I'll keep y'all posted!

-Babs!

MM - Exciting News!

Well another MM is upon us, but what a joyous day for me as it is the start of my last week at work before I (finally) embark on my journey to Los Angeles, California! Friday after my last day I will hitting the road for the West Coast and Two Coast Tales will be living up to its name. Two poodles on different coasts just trying to keep it real (or whatever that tag line up top says).

California, here I comeeeeee!

Blah - Monday Mornings

Well another one is upon us, a dreadful no good Monday Morning (MM). It is always right around the time I start to enjoy my Sunday that I realize sooner rather than later it is going to be MM and I start thinking about all the details stupid MM entails. Mon-DAYS aren’t SOO bad, it is just the stupid MM and the anticipation of it that somehow makes it worse than any other morning. Normally it’s the regular routine, shower (or not), brush my teeth, feed the dog, eat some cereal, throw my hair in a pony, and drive (slowly) to work. While I don’t dread doing all these things it is just the matter of fact that it is a MM, the start of a new week, and all I want is for it to be 5:00 so I won’t have another MM for another 7 days. That makes for a long Monday and that’s a fact Jack!

Well today’s MM was a bit different. It started off by me having to wake up earlier than normal for an 8:15 dr. appt (boo #1). While that doesn’t seem to be too bad, the appt. was for the allergy dr. and the test I was getting does not allow me to shower for three days (boo #2)…so needless to say I went ahead and opted for a MM shower, and enjoyed every minute of it. I drove to the dr.’s office out by Memorial City Mall (would be boo #3, except that it was against traffic) and got put in the exam room. Well a man walks in, not the Dr., but a Man Nurse (MN). Now had it been Greg Fauker that would have been one thing, but this MN looked more like the creepy wrestler-teacher from Billy Madison (boo #3). THEN on top of having a creepy MN, he is wearing whitewashed jean scrubs (boo #1 for him, laugh of the day for me). Yep, you read that right…white wash jean scrubs. Who knew they existed?!? I wanted so badly to take a picture of said MN, but that would have required me sneaking one from his back side as he walked out the door and I thought I would spare all of you the grossness. After my conscience stopped the internal laughter the MN told me I had to put on a small paper robe exposing my back for the tests (boo # 4, 5, & 6) where he would apply (boo #7, 8 & 9) these weird sticker things. SICK!
MN - 1 Babs - 0

So that was my MM. Anyone else have any fun MM tales?
Peace - Babs

TCT's Inaugural Drinking Game Friday!

Happy Friday everyone! I’m stealing a page out of the book from one of the funniest girls I’ve never met – Meg McBlogger of 2Birds1Blog fame. If we were to be trapped on a desert island, we’d want Meg there with us – mainly because she’s funny and likes to drink creatively. Thus, TwoCoastTales’ introduces its first Pilfered Drinking Game Friday! (Please don’t sue us.)

For our inaugural game, I’ve chosen one of my favorite movies of all time, Out Cold starring Jason London and Zach Galifianakis. Little known fact: to the naked eye, this film may seem like your average stoner snowboarding degenerate adventure, but it’s actually based loosely on Casablanca, often touted as one of the best films of this century. Which just goes to show you: there’s so much more to Generation X than meets the eye! Before I can outline the rules of the game, I have to give credit to the individual who introduced me to Out Cold, Andrew C., my college chum. Everything good comes from Andrew, including the Rhonda – also known as “The Tuck” to most males. Every winter at school, classes would inevitably be cancelled for 2 or 3 days due to ice and snow, so Andrew and I would settle in with a bottle of Goldschlagger and a copy of Out Cold to get us through this trying time. We live in different cities now and don’t get to see each other much, which may be for the best, because a 26-year-old standing on top of a cooler at a party with his manhood tucked between his legs singing “Vaagiiiiinaaa boyyyyy!” can only lead either to jail or Chris Hansen. Plus, now that college is over, we’ve been forced to assume responsibilities like jobs, taxes, and random drug screenings, which can put a real damper on our repertoire. However, I know that whenever I get a hankering for a good ol’ snow day, I can always pop Out Cold in the DVD player and reminisce about the senseless overconsumption of cinnamon-flavored liquor. So grab your handwarmers, your Jacuzzi Casanova, and your favorite Alaska mountain resort that sold out to The Man: It’s time for the Out Cold Drinking Game!!!

1.) Take a drink whenever:

• A rip-roaring snowboarding montage is shown
• Anyone says “Bull Mountain – don’t go changin’!”
• The legacy of Papa Muntz is referenced in an inspirational speech
• Lance says something extremely chauvinistic in an effort to mask his blatant homosexuality
• Luke refers to his testicles as the Olson twins, the Hardy boys, dice, etc…
• Anyone refers to Pedro O’Horny’s
• Anyone says “Snow Nook”
• Stumpy says anything

2.) Take a shot whenever:

• Weezer’s “Island in the Sun” is played
• A prank is played (Polar Bear Blow-Job, Drunk-Driver-Black-Out, etc.)
• Anyone hits on Inga
• Luke passes out

3.) Chug whenever:

• Anyone has sex in a gondola

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND EVERYBODY!